As a way to give equal time to both men and women, I thought I wold compare the same words and what they mean to women, as opposed to how men use them in a conversation, argument or everyday life. To show the difference between how men and woman use the same words, I’ve written the definitions from men and women for each statement.

Nine Words Used By Men and Women

1. Fine

 Woman’s Definition: This is a word used to define something-or to give approval to. This is the word women use to end an argument when they’re right. You need to shut up and I mean now!

Man’s Definition: Men use this word to describe the meaning of something better then average. Fine wine, a fine movie, or the approval of something. No hidden meaning.

2. Five Minutes

Woman’s Definition: If she is getting dressed, this means a half an hour. Five minutes is only five minutes if you’ve just been given five more minutes to watch the game before helping around the house.

Man’s Definition: This is a tough question to answer because there are so many ways to explain “5 minutes!” For instance, in football, 5 minutes is much longer than in basketball or hockey. But, then again if the game is a blow-out then 5 minutes is 5 minutes. But in basketball, if your team is down by 8 and you need to foul to get the ball back then it could be as much as an hour. This is not to be confused with 5 minutes of a woman getting dressed, which will be another 30-45 minutes longer.  

 3. Nothing

Woman’s Definition: This is the calm before the storm. This means something, and you should be on your toes. Arguments that begin with nothing usually end in fine.

Man’s Definition: This simply means nothing. I’m not sure how anyone can misunderstand this definition? Am I missing something? 

4. Go Ahead

Woman’s Definition: Be careful, this is a trap, it’s a dare; it is not permission. Whatever you’re thinking about doing, Don’t do it! At this point you may want to ask what she would like to do instead.

Man’s Definition: This means to move in front of, or to give a right away to someone else. Like when a man opens the door for a woman he would simply state, “go ahead.” Men may also make this statement followed by “make my day”! You see, men love to repeat quotes from movies. Here are just a few: “Say hello to my little friend,” “You’ll get nothing and like it,” “I’m going to make him an offer he can’t refuse,” “You talkin’ to me?” and “Show me the money!” This is one of the most common ways men communicate with one another.

5. Loud Sigh

Woman’s Definition: This is actually a word, though most of the time it is an non-verbal statement often misunderstood by men. A loud sigh means she thinks you are an idiot and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here, arguing with you about “nothing.” (Refer back to #3 for the meaning of nothing.)

Man’s Definition: Sometimes confused with taking a deep breath. Men typically do this after playing a Thursday night softball game, then meeting at the bar to brag about how great they played,  throw back several cold-ones, rush home, get undressed, hop in bed, then let out a long deep breath (loud sigh)! The man might be thinking, “I’m finally in bed!” or “how many beers did I have tonight?” Most of the time if the woman is still awake, she then will let out her version of the Loud Sigh; men, follow directions of what her loud sigh means. And above all don’t ask her what’s wrong, you’ll get #3!

6. That’s Okay

Woman’s Definition: This is one of the most dangerous statements a women can make to a man. “That’s okay” means she wants to think long and hard before deciding how and when you will pay for a mistake. And, trust me guys, you will pay!

Man’s Definition: Generally speaking this is something a man would say as a way of showing approval or consoling another guy. Like after the guy you recruited to play on your softball team because he’s been talking smack about how he has skills, yet he goes 0-5 with two errors. You would tell him “that’s okay.” He should then return the gesture when he’s not asked to come back for the next game because he was the reason you lost the game. This would be a good time to say that in baseball, like in most sports, winning is more important than friendship.

7. Thanks

Woman’s Definition: A woman is thanking you; do not question, or faint. Just say you’re welcome. (I would like to add in a clause here; his is true, unless she says “thanks a lot.” That is PURE sarcasm and she is not thanking you at all. DO NOT say “you’re welcome” – that will bring on a “whatever.” refer ahead to #8).

Man’s Definition: Because we do so many dumb things, we’re not sure we really know the true definition when a woman says “Thanks.” Ladies, when you say thanks, please explain that you really mean it or just give us “the look” and we’ll know what you mean. We men are not mind-readers, you know!

8. Whatever

Woman’s Definition: This is a woman’s way of saying, “just get away from me! You need to stop talking right now!” If you don’t stop talking, this will lead to #1.

Man’s Definition: Every guy knows what this means, because we use it as well, and many times in the same conversation. But really, somewhere in the argument someone needs to quit saying whatever. Guys, if you’re still confused about the consequences of “whatever,” watch the movie “The Breakup” and then you’ll have a better understanding of where this is headed. If you need motivation to sit through the pain of watching “The Breakup,” just remember that Jennifer Aniston’s in the movie!

9. Don’t worry about it, I got it.

Woman’s Definition: Again another dangerous statement, meaning this is something that a woman has told a man to do several times, but is now doing it for herself. This will later result in the man asking “What’s wrong?” For the woman’s response, refer to #3.

Man’s Definition: This has nothing to do with women. These are the last words you hear before some middle-aged guy breaks a leg, or gets his butt kicked in a barroom fight, or he loses his paycheck by betting on the Patriots in the Super Bowl. “I got this” is a way of masking over the reality that we don’t have this and never will. But, we’ll never learn, unless we’re reminded by you women.

We men are simple beings; we live life in a simple way, using simple words. But, I think women like to draw us off sides by using these words with new definitions and a different meaning that only they understand. Rarely are the meanings of these words the same, between a man and a woman. And that’s want makes life interesting and full of surprises.

Next time we’ll get back to a more serious topic!

Stay Thirsty, My Friend! Sorry, I can’t help myself, I’m a guy!